USPS destroys package containing cuckoo clock

oh, the second hand is catawampus? why don't you cry about it, saddlebags!

Link

Initially this was just going to be a post littered with quotes from Ace Ventura but there were elements of this story that must be addressed.

“I looked and he pulled up, threw it (the box) over the fence and then got in the van and drove off. I went out there and picked up the thing and he was already up the street,” Oreb said. “The chains no longer work. I guess they're jammed up in the back. And one of them is off the rails. And the second hand is catawampus, it's loose," Oreb said. "But I don't know what else is broke until I take it in and have them look at it."

Catawampus?? This is a word!!?? IT IS!! I would've bet significant money this was some crazy regional word, like that totally unintelligible language people from Louisiana speak. If you don't think I'm working "catawampus" into some everyday conversation you've lost your damn mind. I'd wager between Eli and Alex Smith there are more than 4 throws on Sunday that will be all sorts of catawampus.

Man: [aggressively] What do you want?
Ace Ventura: HDS, sir, and how are you this afternoon? All righty, then. I have a package for you.
Man: Sounds broken.
Ace Ventura: Most likely, sir. I'll bet it was something nice, though.