Mets 2014 Season Tix are Available!

jeffy boy just killing it, as usual.

i just got the email blast from the mets today about buying 2014 season tix. but they must have mistakenly included this interoffice email send out on tuesday, before going ahead and sending the 2014 season ticket email out to the fans.


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From: "Jay Horowitz" <unfireable@mets.com>
To: fred wilpon <daddy@mets.com>; jeff wilpon <jeffyboy@mets.com>; sandy alderson <eightyearplan@mets.com>; terry collins <terryc@hotmail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, September 24, 2013 9:46 AM
Subject: 2014 season tickets

Greetings team.  Another season is ending, and we are looking for the worst possible time to ask our beleaguered fan base for more money.  I am just not sure if this is the right time.  Normally we need to make sure the fan base is apathetic as possible.  Are we there yet?

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From:  jeff wilpon <jeffyboy@mets.com>
To: fred wilpon <daddy@mets.com>; "Jay Horowitz"<unfireable@mets.com> ; sandy alderson <eightyearplan@mets.com>; terry collins <terryc@hotmail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, September 24, 2013 9:48 AM
Subject: Re: 2014 season tickets

Thanks for the email Jay. i think were' pretty close.  I really like the idea of waiting until the end of the current season. Mets fans get to look around the league and see all these other teams fans getting excited. The only way this would be more horribelfor them is if the Yankees and Phillies were in the playoffs... but the Pirates getting in should make them feel more pathetic than usual.  I think now's the time to send out the email!

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From:  sandy alderson <eightyearplan@mets.com>
To: fred wilpon <daddy@mets.com>; "Jay Horowitz"<unfireable@mets.com> ; ; terry collins <terryc@hotmail.com> jeff wilpon <jeffyboy@mets.com>
Sent: Tuesday, September 24, 2013 9:50 AM
Subject: Re: 2014 season tickets

I know i was planning on making some really terrible signings as soon as the free agent market opens. we could wait til then... but i do like the idea of asking for money before we even have a chance to sing any free agents.  i think asking the fans to trust us is actually the most insulting thing we can do.  Great call guys, i am all in.

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From:  terry collins <terryc@hotmail.com>
To: fred wilpon <daddy@mets.com>; "Jay Horowitz"<unfireable@mets.com> ; terry collins <terryc@hotmail.com> jeff wilpon <jeffyboy@mets.com> sandy alderson <eightyearplan@mets.com>
Sent: Tuesday, September 24, 2013 9:52 AM
Subject: Re: 2014 season tickets

i think some of my emails are not getting through... check your spam folders, guys. if i get a new contract, can i get a mets.com email address?

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From:  Jay Horowitz"<unfireable@mets.com>
To: fred wilpon <daddy@mets.com>; "Jay Horowitz"<unfireable@mets.com> ; terry collins <terryc@hotmail.com> jeff wilpon <jeffyboy@mets.com> sandy alderson <eightyearplan@mets.com>
Sent: Tuesday, September 24, 2013 9:55 AM
Subject: Re: 2014 season tickets

I removed terry form the email.  will fill him in via AIM.
i am pretty pumped about how uncertain we've managed to keep matt harvey's status. tommy john surgery one week, playing in the fall league the next week. fans must be totally lost, and that really makes me think now is a great time to send out the 2014 email blast to the fans. just some more phenomenal work, jeffy.
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From:  jeff wilpon <jeffyboy@mets.com>
To: fred wilpon <daddy@mets.com>; "Jay Horowitz"<unfireable@mets.com> ; sandy alderson <eightyearplan@mets.com>
Sent: Tuesday, September 24, 2013 9:58 AM
Subject: Re: 2014 season tickets

thanks jay! can we finally tell the public i'm the team doctor now? its been almost 10 years! Daddy, can I?

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From:  fred wilpon <daddy@mets.com>
To: jeff wilpon <jeffyboy@mets.com>; "Jay Horowitz"<unfireable@mets.com> ; sandy alderson <eightyearplan@mets.com>
Sent: Tuesday, September 24, 2013 9:58 AM
Subject: Re: 2014 season tickets

listen to jay, son. its what i always do.

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From:  Jay Horowitz"<unfireable@mets.com>
To: fred wilpon <daddy@mets.com>; "Jay Horowitz"<unfireable@mets.com> ; terry collins <terryc@hotmail.com> jeff wilpon <jeffyboy@mets.com> sandy alderson <eightyearplan@mets.com>
Sent: Tuesday, September 24, 2013 10:02 AM
Subject: Re: 2014 season tickets

We've been over this Jeff. for legal reasons we cannot.  The fact is, nothing makes our fans more queasy than seeing you out on the front lines.  Jeff, your dead stare and awesome crispen-glover like hair style are working overtime. keep up the terrible work.  i am proud of you.
We need to keep the whole 'doctor jeffy' thing under wraps because you would go to jail, and we can't afford to lose you in the public eye.  in fact, any suggestions to keep Jeff in the spotlight are welcome. 

Ok, guys, i really like where we are at.  So i am giving my full recommendation to send out the email for 2014 season tickets. 
Lets keep this crippling momentum going, team.

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The Joe Schmo Show (Review)

lorenzo lamas, as himself, as a bounty hunter, talking about himself portraying a bounty hunter.

This is on spike, and initially ran for 2 seasons back in the early 2000's. i watched most of the first season (pre DVR, so i missed a few episodes).

the premise of the show is that its a reality tv show, but the entire cast, except for one person (the mark) is comprised of actors... the cast/host/production team... they all mess with the guy, and simultaneously hope he doesn't figure it out.

season one had a pre-SNL kristin wiig as well as a pre-'rickety cricket' david hornsby. it was a spoof of "big brother" and was pretty funny.

i did not see much of the second season, which spoofed reality dating shows (like 'the bachelor') but it apparently was not very good, and spike shelved the concept after it was over (roughly 7 or 8 years ago).

the new version of the show stared sometime the past week, and i came across the 1st two episodes tuesday night. i dvr'd them and watched them last night. (like any reality tv show, they stretch out about 25 minutes worth of show over an hour, so dvr is mandatory for viewing)

this season the fake show is called "The Full Bounty" and is a reality show contest to become a bounty hunter..... yeah, utterly ridiculous.

the one guy who thinks its a real show is fittingly named Chase... and Chase is a bit of a weirdo. (i am basing this on the fact he signed up to be on a bounty hunter reality show.)... he appears to be a decent guy, but sort of has a screw loose when the "competition" starts... i'll get back to that later.

the cast of actors has the standard reality show stereotypes, but with some pretty outrageous performances., lead by the immortal Lorenzo Lamas... playing Lorenzo Lamas.

SPOILER ALERT (sort of) - Lamas is the first person voted out, but is nothing short of phenomenal playing this outrageous version of himself. (i am not even sure how much of this was "acting")....

one of the first "challenges" is to find your room key in a pile of keys, with a a chained rottweiler barking at you. Chase did not find his key (there was no key for him), but in a "twist" got the luxury suite in the mansion. enter Lamas immediately taking about how much he wants the room because it reminds him of the rooms he "used to have" when he was starring on Renegade... how he should have the room because it would make him feel more at home.... talking about mansions, ferraris, saunas... just being an overbearing JA-AH, until Chase agrees to switch rooms with Lamas.

Fake Lorenzo also does a ton of shameless promotion of his "european casual pouch"... which is essentially a blue speedo... which Lamas claims "gives me the sack of a 25 year old".

there is one instance of the contestants learning their "spirit animal" from an indian chief, and Lamas pipes up that he already has an indian cheif who already told him his spirit is a fox.

throughout everyone else's "ceremony" lamas is yelping indian phrases out, while sitting in a meditative state'

chase's spirit animal was a Llama.

in an effort to appear to have somewhat "real" consequences, the cast agree to vote lorenzo out first... what a shame.

the other standout character is a deaf woman (being played by an actress who is NOT deaf)... she has an interpreter along with her, making things seemingly always awkward. (her 'special talent' was that she is a ventriloquist. got that? a deaf ventriloquist.... her 'performance' was unconscionably brutal and awkward.... even though you know its fake.... Mr. Wentworth is the name of her puppet, but she is't doing any talking... her interpreter was hiding behind the couch talking for it... holy crap this had me in tears.)

one of the first challenges is to deactivate a bomb vest, with the help of a teammate (who has the deactivation instruction on an index card, and has to shout them at the person in the vest, from across the yard)

the "bomb" is just a paint explosion, to demonstrate this they put the paint-bomb-vest on a dummy, but there is a malfunction and the vest bursts into fireball that consumes the dummy.

after the host assures the cast that the real vests have paint, they "randomly" draw chase to go first... and he is partnered with the deaf woman.

needless to say, this event goes horrendously for chase.

at a later point in the show, a character pops a champagne bottle, and the "deaf woman" ducks her head at the sound of it... chase didn't notice, but several other actors did, and they were horrified. "i know you have the toughest gig, playing deaf, but come on, its the second day!"

the comments from the crew and actors wondering if chase will ever figure it out are entertaining, and i think he will eventually figure it out. there seems to be way to many insane things that go on..... but then again, he did voluntarily enter a reality show to be a bounty hunter, so there is a strong chance i am overestimating his intelligence.

He does, however, bring the intensity. The second challenge (after his "find the key" debacle) is a "stun gun fight"... which is exactly what it sounds like. the host gave a gift to every cast member... and it was one of those hand held shocker thingys. "an invaluable tool for the bounty hunter"

the contest is that one by one, two people get into an octagon shaped ring (the 'shocktagon' ) and the rules are simple. first person shocked is out. next person in.... last person standing wins.

chase starts mowing through everyone... the last person is this small, very sweet girl (why is she trying to become a bounty hunter? who knows) and she is literally pleading in terror to chase to not get shocked. she want to just let it end in a "tie"... chase simply says "i'm sorry" and then shocks her to win the challenge. (the reactions to the shocks was a little disappointing, but the actors claim they hurt a lot)

the next challenges was 'getting someone to talk".... they put this one thug in a room, and told him an address he had to keep secret. the contestants are put in 2 teams, and strategize how to get him to talk. chase goes in with a baseball bat and starts smashing the table like a madman (terrifying the cast members in the process) but his team ultimately fails to get the guy to talk.

the next team goes in, with the fix in. the team leader, Chico, "recognizes" the guy in the chair. and "knows" the same criminals. he whispers a threat in his ear, and the guy spits the address out. chase was upset, but understanding. "if chico knows those kinds of people, then thats going to be an asset for him as a bounty hunter" well said, chase.

also, one of the cast members (randy: the jerk) is played by the actor michael weaver. who is more or less an "unknown", but i think a good portion of people will instantly recognize him as one of the local cops in "super troopers".... "yeah chief! i'll take a CHINCHILLA! (guy on the left)




at one point chase says to weaver "you look familiar" and they cut to a screen shot of his character from super troopers... "randy" quickly throws chase off the scent by claiming he is generalizing all gingers... and chase quickly drops it.

highly recommend dvr'ing this show. they are really going over the top with some of this stuff. and at least two or three times i was laughing pretty loudly (by myself) watching the first 2 episodes. (again, dvr is a must, in my opinion)