'Eco' models aren't worth the money, study shows

 

"Do you find something comical about my appearance when I'm driving my automobile? 


Hoping to squeeze every last mile out of a gallon of gas?  Automakers have been launching a flood of new “eco” models designed to do just that.  But a new report warns that the minimal extra mileage isn’t worth the hefty price tag – which in some cases would require as much as 38 years of driving to recover in terms of lower fuel costs.

And the hits just keeping on coming for the eco-car movement.  Not only do they get just awful performance reviews [the new Prius "suffers from a stiff ride, very noisy cabin, slow acceleration, and cheap-looking interior trim"] but they are a total rip off. 

Listen, if you want to get a normal (clown) car that gets 30-40 miles to the gallon, fine, they're availabe (this article mentions something called a Chevy Cruze LT, which I'm sure is hideous).  But to go even further and make the bonehead move of purchasing the "planet friendly" Chevy Cruze Eco - for an additonal $800 you get an extra whopping 1 mpg city/4 mpg highway - you have to be certifiably insane.  You won't make your money back for several years, and you're now driving an even uglier, slower, goofier piece of shit than the non-eco version. 

Which confirms my theory that if you ARE driving an eco car you are probably one of the most smug jackasses around because you're willing to flush cash down the toilet to feed your own ego.  Even Don Gibson probably finds this ridiculous.

*As much as I really do hate the eco-car movement, I really just wanted to post something to take "Pass the salt, this penis tastes too bland" off the front page of the website.  Every time I clicked on J&N I was praying something else got posted...it could not go away fast enough.  I'm sure Smoothie felt the same way.

Pass the salt, this penis tastes too bland

"on the bright side, you'll swim much faster now. trust me. i know" - varys

In this doozie, some guy gets his whole twig and berries and pouch lopped off, then says he will prepare them as a dinner, and actually gets five people to pay for this meal... thats a total of six twisted people in tokyo. (story here... gross)

if you read the story, the guy wasn't even a chef... just a guy who wanted to cook his own genitals.

and as insane as that guys it, how completely mental are the people who were all fired up to eat a dick?... and balls.... and scrot?...

And on top of that, they didn't even have their japanese penis cooked up by a real chef? serioulsy, if i am ever in a state of mind where i am craving a fried cockenballs, you better believe i want a top notch chef making it as tasty as possible.... though i guess its the perfect meal to make if you're not a great chef, since even if you do it right, it still tastes like dick.

Why can't I be on a plane where someone rushes the cockpit?

Nobody is better at plane beatdowns than Wesley Snipes.  Nobody.

As I was reading yet another story of some drunk fool rushing the cockpit of a plane, I suddenly realized that one of the things I want to do before I die is be involved in beating the crap out of someone who causes a panic on an airplane.  It seems like every week you hear about someone being restrained by passengers on an airplane for completely losing their mind - and being part of this abruptly improvised plane posse sounds like a real hoot.

That's not to say I want to be on board when the plane is actually taken over by terrorists; that is a situation best handled by men like John Cutter.  I want my victim to be more vulnerable, hopefully drunk, maybe overweight...someone who will not be able to really fight back.  And I really hope its a passenger who I already found annoying - someone who brought an Extra Value meal or Chinese food onto the plane, treats the stewardess poorly, etc.  It would relieve so much of the frustration that I've built up flying over the years to finally come close to choking one of these people to death.

Just once I'd like to say, "Get off my plane!"

History Channel getting back to its roots - "Hatfields and McCoys"



With Costner and Paxton at the very least you're guaranteed a good laugh

I've done some bashing of the History Channel recently so I'm glad to see they're finally getting their act together and airing some decent programming.  I mean, this looks pretty sweet.  Costner, Paxton, Powers Boothe, and Tom Berenger getting all old-timey, drinking moonshine, pistol whipping people, looking grizzled, all in the name of a inter-family blood feud that seemed to stem from a dispute in ownership over a...hog.  This sounds fantastic. 

Can we take bets on how bad Costner's Southern accent is going to be?  Based on his work in "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves" and "Thirteen Days" the man has shown he's not afraid to do zero homework and just wing it when it comes to accents.  And the fact that Paxton has a lead role means we are guaranteed for some hilarious overacting.  Then you throw in Boothe and Berenger, who I'm assuming are going to be the ones to really carry this thing.



What an awesome family picture



I'm genuinely looking forward to this show.  Hopefully this is a growing trend for what direction the History Channel is going in.

Major DC Comics character to come out of the closet

DC Comics plans to reintroduce a character as gay in a future issue, it has been revealed.

Co-publisher Dan DiDio previously said that the company would not change the sexual orientation of an existing superhero and would bring in a new one altogether. But at Kapow Comic Convention in London on Sunday, he revealed that an existing character - who was previously assumed to be straight - will become ‘one of our most prominent gay characters’, according to comic blog BleedingCool.com.



Not sure if this is a fight or foreplay

I'm not an expert on the comic book universe, so I'm out of my league here.  I just assumed it would be Robin.  But I don't think Aquaman would be a surprise either.  Those are my #1 and #2 seeds.  Dark horse candidate is the Martian Manhunter...maybe the guy has been way out of the closet for years and everyone just thought he was a weird alien?

 



Robin looks pretty comfy in this get-up...interesting









Its science: people who buy organic food are smug assholes



If all organic snobs were as cool as Seth and Munchie, we wouldn't have this problem

 As it turns out, new research has determined that a judgmental attitude may just go hand in hand with exposure to organic foods. In fact, a new study published this week in the journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science, has found that organic food may just make people act a bit like jerks.

"There's something about being exposed to organic food that made them feel better about themselves," says Eskine. "And that made them kind of jerks a little bit, I guess.  "Why does eating better make us act worse? Eskine says it probably has to do with what he calls "moral licensing."  "People may feel like they've done their good deed," he says. "That they have permission, or license, to act unethically later on."

Well, science has spoken and confirmed what I've thought for years - people who buy organic are assholes.  Just self-righteous, snobby jerks who love putting themselves on their imaginary moral pedestal while disdainfully looking down on everyone else.  You can also throw hybrid/electric car owners in this group as well.  People who are so insecure about themselves they buy crappy food and ugly, underperforming cars so they can achieve a perceived boost to their own bizarre standards of character and integrity.  Its sad really. 

If only more organic nazi's took after Seth and Munchie, successful organic juice manufacturers, who finally came to accept reality and successfully balance the worlds of buying organic foods and living amicably among their fellow man.

Homer:    Heads up!
Seth:     Hey!  It's Homer Jay!
Munchie:  My man!  You've gone granola!
Homer:    Right on!
Seth:     Join the hack!
[the two hippies kick it around a bit, then pass it to Homer, who lofts it into the nearby pond]
Homer:    That was cool.  Think I'll stick around.  We've got everything we need right here.  Good times, sunshine, free love ... [makes purring noise]
[suddenly, the sound of a buzzer interrupts the peace]
Munchie:  Okay, time to get back to work.
Homer:    Work?  But you're hippies!
Seth:     Oh, we were on a break.
Munchie:  Time is money, man!
Seth:     We are the largest organic juice company in Springfield.
Munchie:  We grow our own vegetables and process them right here!  And we give half the profits to war orphans.
Homer:    Profits, profits, profits!  What kind of hippies are you?  Peter Fonda must be spinning in his grave.
Seth:     We're just trying to pay the bills, Homer.  I mean, we're still hippies at heart.
Homer:    Oh yeah, when's the last time you freaked out the establishment?  You guys are total sell-outs!
Munchie:  Wait ... don't you work for a nuclear power plant?
Homer:    Look, we can sit here all day, and play the blame game, or we can start freaking people out.  Come on, where's your freak bus?
Seth:     I drive a Saturn.

Pretty sure "Vicodin" is Valyrian for "milk of the poppy"

Even Ned Stark succumbed to the power of Vicodin/MOP

Vicodin = milk of the poppy (MOP).  This is the conclusion I've arrived at after spending the last week sprawled out on my couch completely incapacitated.  Pretty much spent Monday through Thursday in my living room, blinds closed, doors shut, computer off...I was a prisoner in my own house.  Opening up my laptop and trying to internet gave me an immediate raging headache - it was a blogging nightmare.

I actually rallied and was able to fire off a single email on Wednesday to Cobb letting him know the "J&N blogging explosion" was not going to happen...then I quickly turned my computer back off and fell asleep.  And its not like I was abusing this stuff - I still have half a bottle left.  I'd take 2 pills before I went to sleep and 2 in the morning...and I was zoned out for the rest of the day. 

Typically I'd start watching a movie, then fall asleep/wake up/pass out again so often over the next 2 hours I couldn't remember what part of the movie I had actually seen - or thought I'd seen - and I'd have to rewind over and over.  I may have watched "Immortals" 4 times in a row and not realized it.  Apparently I had a conversation with my boss on Monday morning that I have zero recollection of and he said I was slurring my speech.  All in all, the whole experience seemed eerily similar to the situation Eddark Stark found himself in after almost losing his leg (was it his left leg??) and was forced to drink MOP for the pain...weird dreams, incoherent babbling, and total isolation from the outside world.

Gravel Knee = More Work For Me

are you sure your left leg was not stabbed by a morgul blade, Mr. Billy Bob?

So when BBD informed me he would be bed ridden for a week or two, he also proudly proclaimed he was gonna blog the hell out of J&N. I thought that was awesome.

Fast forward to friday, and the BDOTW award is still the last post, and i gotta write something otherwise we'd have back to back BDOTW awards, and i woudl have to give it to myself... and Billy Bob informs me that the combination of his drugs and knee make him dizzy when he looks at a computer screen... so i guess from here on out i have to carry this gimpy kneed bastard..... 

whats the internet equivalent of getting throat-stabbed

                                                                                      I hope you save enough lembas bread for breakfast.... you're lucky i'm pulling a samwise rather than a polliver. Billy Bob Greenhands would not be getting carried anywhere if that was the case.

Never Mind That Shit! Here Comes Mongo!

ST. LOUIS (KMOV) -- Police have arrested a man they say attacked the driver of a horse-drawn carriage then took the reins in downtown St. Louis Tuesday night.... Police said the horse, whose name is Harry, continued pulling the carriage and ran back to his barn at the St. Louis Carriage Company stables, located at 1000 Cerre Street. The carriage then crashed into and damaged a trolley bus on the parking lot. Police said another employee of the carriage company ran out and started to remove the horse from the carriage to get it back inside the stable. Medina then jumped down from the carriage and started punching and kicking the horse.


Alex Karras would be proud of this... Johnny Medina going Mongo on poor Harry the Horse... wow... Lucky for Medina, this was not a police horse, otherwise he'd probably be in the slammer right now... though Medina does not look like a guy who would need the Squirrel Master to protect his fruit cocktail.... he actually looks more like Nasty Nate himself.

the horse whisperer

Back to Harry the Horse... you gotta put up more of a fight, buddy! i've seen enough thunder kicks from horses on youtube to know they could kick in the toughest guys skull, but Harry just tuck tails it and drags/crashes his carriage all over town as he tries to get back to his stable... Harry has gotta be the most depressed horse on the planet. Here he is, in St. Louis, with the famous Budweiser Clydesdale clip-clopping all over the place, and Harry has to settle to pulling some lame carriage and getting his face punched in by some wacko... That's the horse equivalent of moving to NYC to be an actress and winding up a hooker... talk about embarrassing. Harry should probably just eat some pink pop corn and kill himself.

Butterstuff the diabetic horse would put up a better fight than lame ol HArry.

Cyclist spots stolen bike on Craigslist, steals it back




 It's simple. Whoever is selling the bike on Craigslist, is obviously the person who stole it. So they don't deserve any reward!

 

Danny Lesh is an avid cyclist -- and now he's also somewhat of a vigilante, after he found his stolen bike online and managed to get it back.  Lesh's Cannondale hybrid was stolen after he loaned it to a friend who'd secured it with a cable lock, which are easy to cut if you're a theft with a pair of boltcutters handy.

But Lesh located the bike on Craiglist shortly after last weekend's theft -- his bike had a prominent sticker on it, so he was certain it was his.  He arranged to buy his bike back. A man came out of an alley at 5th and Longfellow streets NW with the bike, and Lesh took it for a "test ride."

Lesh simply rode off without paying.





Lesh taking off; authorities in hot pursuit

Hey, anytime there is a story that has even vague similarities to Pee-Wee Herman's Big Adventure I'm going to post something about it.  And Danny Lesh put "Pee-Wee's Stolen Property Corollary" to perfect work here.  The guy trying to sell this off Craigslist never saw it coming; Lesh executed this perfectly.

Lesh may as well have stolen his bike back from a group of TV nuns off a tv set; I can only pray that as he tore off down the road he screamed, "I'm going to start a paper route right now!" and gave the guy the finger.



You'll be sorry, Lesh! 



Jordan's "Flu Game" might be the most overrated moment in sports history.

perfect for when trying to look "heroic"

So i saw this story on barstool.  Dealing with the ridiculous Public Health Advocacy Institute wanting the gatorade commercial about michael jordans famous "flu" game be banished because it promotes unhealthy behavior - namely playing sports while sick....

KFC, who i usually agree with, went on and on about how this "is one of the best sports moments of all time.".. .and how " Its was the single best competitive moment from arguably the best athlete ever"

to quote KFC: For sure not.

The Public Health Advocacy Institute request to take down that commercial is an utterly ridiculous request... but its because Jordan was faking his flu. or at least the seriousness of his condition.  



 some killer acting chops from jordan here. just a textbook, nuanced performance. even better that his role
in space jam. acting along side carttons is tougher, but there was much more passion in this performance.

Listen, i am admitted jordan hater. While I fully acknowledge he is the greatest hoops player to ever walk the earth,  i hated him during his prime because the knicks were often the victim of his brilliance...  what made it worse was the (justifiable) non stop gushing by the entire f'n planet over how good he was... seriously, watching the knicks play the bulls when you know they would never beat them four times in a series, but at the same time hoping they would was probably the most frustrating sports experience of my life.

But this flu game? i am sorry, this game was so overly done by the NBA and NBC i thought it was obvious to everyone what a joke it was. Jordan was either hung over or had the sniffles... this nonsense that he was on deaths doorstep with pneumonia is one of the most manufactured loads of crap professional sports has ever heaped upon america... but because it was jordan, everyone ate it up.

so we asked mike to ham it up a little... big deal!

remember this is the NBA.... the same league that gets routinely called out for fixing the 1985 lottery, that was extremely fishy with the "retirement" of jordan two seasons after this, and was caught employing officials who were betting on games they were working.... i mean, come on! asking jordan to "act sick" while "leaking" information that he had a high temperature - this was the easiest con in the history of the league...and it was on NBC! hello! charles van duren!!!

15 years later and the only thing i may have changed about my opinion is that i now thing gatorade was in on this fix.  i mean, look at that commercial! drink gatorade, and amazingly you won't feel the effects of the flu! i mean, jordan was playing as if he DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE FLU! Wow this gatorade must be a magic elixer!

limited edition jordan "flu game" action figure.

You know what... just like ron burgundy, "Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing"... serioulsy - this should get kudos across the board. From stern, to jordan, to gatorade, and NBC... this con job was so expertly done even rob morrow and his horrendous boston accent could not have proven it.


but make no mistake, the flu game probably was jordans greatest performance - oscar worthy, even... it just was not his best basketball game.

Holtby and Ovechkin drive Caps to Game 7 at MSG

The source of his strength is the neckbeard.

There's only a handful of people who can get away with this nonsense

Between now and Saturday night, I'm not sure I'll be thinking of a whole lot more than the puck dropping at 730 pm at MSG.  Not going to say a whole lot here, but I'm feeling cautiously optimistic.  Holtby's been great when he's had to, but more importantly has received huge support in front of him.  And to the chagrin of the Ovechkin critics, the Russian Machine came to play this series.

A few notes on Ovechkin.  There seem to be (3) types of fans - those who love Ovechkin, those who hate Ovechkin, and those who hate playing against him but would love to have him on their team.  Kind of Jeter-esque in that way.  So, courtesy of the DC Sports Bog, some interesting stats:

“Ovechkin’s 0.60 playoff goals per game is better than Gretzky, Bure, Kurri, Hull (both), etc,” James Mirtle noted. “Only Lemieux, Bossy, Richard and Neely higher.”

“Alex Ovechkin becomes first player to net 30 goals in first 50 career playoff games since Avs Joe Sakic did it in 1997,” Ben Raby wrote.

“This is Ovechkin’s 12th career playoff game when facing elimination. He has 7 goals, 6 assists for 13 points in those games,” @RandyNumbers tweeted.

I'm not saying he's the same player he was 3-4 years ago, and I don't even think he was one of the top five players in the league during the regular season (he was probably borderline top 10).  But he brings it in the playoffs, and although some of the blame for previous Caps playoff performances should be placed on his shoulders (comes with the territory of being best player on the team), he's probably received significantly more than necessary.

Lets Go Caps.

Wife hits husband with SUV after argument over recalls

Greatest Brad Pitt scene ever.

A Chippewa Falls man who repeatedly tried to block his estranged wife from driving to the polls Tuesday was hospitalized with head, neck and back injuries when she struck him with her sport utility vehicle.  Jeffrey Radle, a Gov. Scott Walker supporter, was on foot.  Amanda Radle, a recall proponent, was in a Dodge Durango.  "She was planning on voting for a certain candidate, and it wasn't the candidate he wanted her to vote for," Stelter said.

When Amanda Radle, 30, attempted to pull out, Jeffrey Radle, 36, stood in front of her, according to a police department statement. She nudged him with the vehicle several times.Each time he would "retreat and re-establish his ground," the release said. "At one point he climbed onto the hood."

When she finally attempted to drive around him, Jeffrey Radle jumped in front of the vehicle and was hit.

"These crazy liberal nuts are always pulling this crap," said Radle's brother, Mike Radle, describing himself and his brother as firm supporters of Walker, the subject of the recall.

This was one of the more enjoyable stories I've read in a few weeks.  Gotta love Jeff Radle's commitment and determination.  There is not a damn thing in this world I am so passionate about I'd jump in front of an SUV for.  Radle is clearly one of those people who if you pull the old "well, I'm just going to vote for other guy and cancel your vote" maneuver he will probably try to murder you...or die in the process. 

Really wish there was video evidence of Amanda Radle "Meet Joe Black-ing" her husband right off the driveway.  To suffer head, neck, and back injuries I'm assuming he either got run over or flew off the front grill.  Dinner at the Radle house has got to be a helluva intense affair.  I imagine they hide various combat weapons all over the residence like Inspector Clouseau and Kato and start beating the shit out of each other before the appetizers come out.

The Radle family at it again

i can't stop staring at these brownie cookies

dericious

never knew such a thing existed 5 minutes ago... sponty, to make up for choosing julia's birthday over mine, make me some brownie cookies. these are my only acceptable terms for such a slight.

here's the recipe. get cooking.

Nebraska man changes name to Tyrannosaurus Rex

These guys got it on and banged the gong like champs

A 23-year-old southeast Nebraska man has legally added Tyrannosaurus Rex to his name.  The man entered the York County courtroom on Monday as Tyler Gold.  Gold said in his public filing for the change that the dinosaur's name is cooler. Gold also says that "as an entrepreneur, name recognition is important and the new name is more recognizable."Gold's new name is Tyrannosaurus Rex Joseph Gold.

Wait, so Tyler Gold went through the trouble of adding Tyrannosaurus Rex to his name...but just put it in the middle...so really everyone will still be calling him Ty Gold??  What the hell is the point?  If you are going to take the name "Tyrannosaurus Rex" you had better own it and do something awesome, like form a rock band and pump out a bunch of glam rock hits and make weird album covers (what is a beard of stars?).  How can your "new" name be more recognizable when its the same name as before?  

Even if he introduces himself as "Tyrannosaurus", his last name is still "Gold" which will just confuse everyone.  Tyrannosaurus Gold, you are a jackass.   



Woman Attacked By Pet Ocelot

No! Babou, serpentine!

A local woman’s arm was injured severely after her boyfriend’s pet lynx attacked her at home.
According to KING-TV, the woman was attacked Friday while she was cleaning. It reportedly escaped from its cage and bit her.

So maybe this attack involved a lynx and not an ocelot.  But I think the two animals have enough in common that if the owner was as astute as secret agent Sterling Archer this entire nasty incident could have been avoided.  When you stick a lynx/ocelot in a cage with no toys it naturally becomes understimulated and will eventually lash out.  This lady should be glad she didn't also get sprayed with cat urine.

Archer: [Describing an Ocelot's paw-prints] They look just like a housecat's, but bigger and awesomer.

I'm looking for a terrorist and an ocelot!

Archer: [to Babou the ocelot while handcuffed in a police car] They called you exotic. Which is just people talk for awesome. Which you are, which is why I am so happy I saved your life, buddy. [Babou growls and squeaks to him] Don't worry, probably just thousands of dollars in fines, maybe a little bit of jail time, hopefully just probation. [Babou leans forward and urinates on the car seat next to Archer. Archer speaks in a strained voice] Totally worth it. [Babou growls] No, Babou, that was all sarcasm. [more growls] YES, ALL OF IT, YOU FOX-EARED ASSHOLE!

What in the Underworld is going on in Qarth?

 

If you haven't seen the last episode of 'Game of Thrones' you should stop reading now because this will contain a ton of spoilers...the most surprising of course is the stunning revelation that Xaro Xhoan Daxos is keeping William, the first and most powerful werewolf of all time, chained up in his basement in Qarth.  I don't know how else to explain why Daxos is wearing the key Viktor made to William's prison.  I mean, its the exact same thing.  Daenaery loses her dragons only to have a massive werewolf fall right into her lap.  Very curious to see the book readers reaction to this turn of events.  I'd pay the iron price for a Selene sighting.

Overall I thought this was the best episode of Season 2.  Theon continues to demonstrate his amazing ability to make the worst possible decision in any given scenario.  If he ever picked up a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book I'm not sure he would ever get past the first chapter. 

The shared scenes between Tywin Lannister and Arya continue to be flat out awesome.  Actually, everything at Harrenhall has been pretty sweet.  I initially wasn't sure I was going to like Jacquen but that was before he started snapping necks and killing guys with blow darts.  The look on Tywin' face as Amory Lorch toppled over was hilarious.

I really thought the tv audience has been getting short changed on the screen time for The Hound - well, no longer.  With the exception of the Ned/Jaime fight from last season, Sandor Clegane disembowling/carving up 4 scumbags was probably my favorite fight sequence so far.  He even had the patience afterward to explain to Sansa why she was a target...giving further evidence to the widely accepted belief that Sansa is a complete dolt. 

How many people can say they've been slapped/punched in the face twice by a dwarf/demon monkey?  Add Joffrey to that list.  And he's also taken a pile of horseshit to the face.  I know everyone wants this kid to die, but you can't say things are dull with Joffrey around.  Especially if its wooden and has antlers on the end.

As great as this episode was, I'm not a fan of what they're doing to Jon Snow.  Beaten up by Craster, whiffs on a head chop, loses his prisoner...get your act together you dumb bastard.

And, finally, we got to see Tonks naked and Avada Kedavra a guard on her way out of Winterfell with Bran, Rickon, Hodor, Summer, and Shaggydog in tow.  Lot of action that episode.

High school senior finds way to get nearly 200 mpg in vehicle

 "I'm so environmentally conscious I'm willing to drive this hideous soda can on wheels...go ahead, say something to me about it.  I'd love to bore you to death with the details."

So let me get this straight...for the low price of $3K I can buy an electric Geo Metro with limited driving distance, short battery life, doesn't work in cold weather, and looks like a Go-Kart.  I'm impressed with what 18 yr old Don Gibson was able to create, but at least add some flames on the side or something. 

 See?  Totally different ride now.  Instead, the people who make electric cars, like Don (what teenager goes by "Don" anyway?  The only guy I can think of is that one character from 'Dazed and Confused'), insist on making them look like utter and complete pieces of shit.  Which is funny because it makes the drivers, who tend to be annoying self-righteous environmentalists anyway, even MORE smug than they already are.  If electric cars looked more like Wayne and Garth's "Mirthmobile" and less like an ugly golf cart, they might be more popular. 

I'd rather drive 500 miles on a scooter, freezing my ass off, getting pissed on, and catching bugs in my mouth than drive Don's Geo to high school even once.  Okay, maybe I'd drive it once just so I could laugh and mock Don the entire time...but after that I'm on the scooter.