Power Rankings - Season 4, Episode 10
 |
| Tyrion went for gasps and karate'd his way thru the Tower of the Hand |
1.
Tyrion (avenging) – the Halfman has been the primary source for laughs
over the course of GoT, but in the season finale (much like Mac from
“Its Always Sunny”), Tyrion was following the ethos of “Laughs
are cheap, man. I'm going for gasps. Gasps are where it's at.” Noted.
Jaime mistakenly assumed Tyrion would get on a ship and promptly leave, instead
Tyrion morphed into "The Nightman", climbed his way to his former living quarters (Tower of the
Hand), strangled Shae (after a comically furious
slap fight), and blasted Tywin off the toilet with a crossbow!
Immediate emergency giggi, I think. All of Tywin’s plans…FLUSHED. (I
couldn’t resist. Heh.)
Of
course, these actions eventually all led to Tyrion's current
state…which is on a boat, stuck in a wooden crate on its way to one of
the Free Cities presumably (Braavos or Pentos?). Although this is one
of those
few times it pays to be a half-man. Leg room for days in that crate.
*By
the way, I fully expected Tywin to be either reading or writing letters
when Tyrion poked his head in the door. Just seems like something
Tywin would do in the bathroom. No reading material, Tywin?
Barbaric.
2.
Stannis (charging) – right through the Wildling camp. Well, after an
entire season of grimacing, complaining, sailing, threatening,
scowling…Stannis finally managed to do something. And it was actually
pretty awesome. Stannis has demonstrated to be probably the best
military tactician/strategist in the show. He’s very good at war; very
high war-ability, says Jay Bilas. Unfortunately, he’s a nightmare at
just about everything else. Let’s hope
he just continues to sweep south, kill all the Boltons and Freys, and
NOT fuddle around Castle Black imagining different ways to repeatedly
throw Davos into a cell…and then free him 2 hours later.
3.
Cersei (unraveling) – okay, so Cersei really threw her weight around
this episode. And with the demise of Tywin son of Tytos, and Tyrion
literally trapped in a box, she now has what she always wanted:
complete run of Kings Landing. But let’s look at the decisions she
made, because they are all extremely short-sighted and absolutely
terrible.
-
first she pulled a George Bailey/Uncle Billy on Maester Pycelle, “Why
can’t you save The Mountain, you silly stupid old fool!??”; THEN she
gave that crackpot Qyburn the green light to perform some type of
Frankenstein-like experimentation to resurrect that monster. This…is
an insane idea.
 |
| George Bailey empathizes with Cersei's frustration with old people |
-
Cersei followed that up by unleashing an outrageous blackmail scheme
against Tywin, basically threatening to publicly proclaim she’s in a
foul incestuous relationship with her brother, the truth of which
would topple the Lannister franchise. Which she seems to be actively
ignoring that she’s a big part of. Typically a blackmail scheme
involves threating to expose sensitive information against *another*
person; its not often someone blackmails themselves.
Again, this idea…its insane. And there’s no way Tywin wouldn’t have
totally squashed it.
-
Finally, she resolves this is the perfect time to flaunt her – ugh, so
gross - feelings for her brother in public…the very same feelings she
just threatened to expose to Tywin under the understanding they’d
ruin/cripple the entire famiy??? What the…these ideas…they are all
just terrible. Can’t wait to see how it works out for her!
4.
Arya (sailing) – to Braavos! A little explanation here (some very
minor book spoilers) – the guy Arya met earlier in the series, Jaqen,
was a member of a Braavosi assassination guild called the “Faceless
Men”. You might remember Jaqen completely changing his appearance when
he left Arya – the FM are masters of disguise. He also gave Arya an
iron coin and told her to say “Valar Morghulis” to any man from Braavos
and she’d receive assistance. What happened
at the end was Arya gave the boat captain the iron coin, and for all he
knew Arya was a FM (at the very least she was a friend of the FM) and
didn’t want to risk getting killed, so he enthusiastically decided to
taker her to Braavos. To potentially become
a FM herself? Hmmm?
 |
| Jojen heading to the "great wide open". |
5.
Bran (learning to fly?) – and now I can’t get that Tom Petty song out of my
head. What’s even more weird is how the lyrics actually mirror Bran’s
journey: “Well some say life will beat you down/Break
your heart, steal your crown/So I've started out for God knows where/I
guess I'll know when I get there/Jojen’s dead but I can’t despair.”
What
are the odds of both Tom Petty and Bran Stark losing a friend named
Jojen? That’s pretty odd. I wonder if there are any mentions of Mance
Rayder in “Refugee”…meanwhile Jorah Mormont is probably busy
lamenting to “Don’t Come Around Here No More”. Okay, let’s move on
before this overwhelms the entire post…
6.
Brienne (smashing) – the Hound with just about everything she could get
her hands on. That fight was positively brutal. Very reminiscent of
the bar brawl in the first episode this season, except with
more rocks. And punches and kicks to the groin. Alright, I get how
Arya wanted the Hound to suffer and refused to grant him the gift of
mercy…how about a bag of frozen peas? The Clegane Bros. are in some bad
shape.
*Podrick
– the non-stop blooper reel that is Podrick Payne’s life continues.
Lost the horses, carrying saddle bags, lost track of Arya. He’s still
the best.
7.
The Three Eyed Crow and The Children of the Forest (hibernating) –
alright, so WHO…ARE…these people? It’s a long story, and it will
probably just confuse you…but oh what the heck. From the Wiki of Ice
and Fire:
Children:
“The children of the forest, sometimes referred to simply as the
"children" are a mysterious non-human race that originally inhabited the
continent of
Westeros long before the arrival of the
First Men during the
Dawn Age more than 12,000 years ago. The
giants call them
woh dak nag gram ('little squirrel people'). They call themselves those who sing the song of the earth in the
True Tongue.” What, that doesn't clear things up? Well, they were also thought to be extinct. And they apparently have access to fire bombs/grenades. What the
deuce were those?
Three-Eyed
Crow: the most commonly accepted theory is that he is man formerly
known as Brynden “Bloodraven” Rivers, a legitimized
Great Bastard of
Aegon IV Targaryen.
He technically would be Maester Aemon’s great-uncle or something. He’s
really old, and was rumored to be a sorcerer, but the reality is he was
most likely just a powerful “greenseer”
(like Jojen). He has very Yoda-like qualities; he recognized Bran as a
warg/greenseer very early on and has been watching over him, presumably
so Bran can replace him under that giant tree, and manipulate
space/time/nature to fight the Others (don’t ask me
how this is done through a tree). Nobody actually has any idea if he’s
good or evil, but since this is GoT it’s probably somewhere in the
middle.
In the Summer Isles (warming up)
N/A
Standing in the Shivering Sea (outside looking in)Dany – this storyline has been reduced to a boring daytime courtroom tv show. How did we get here, Khaleesi?? Do you realize you’ve become a walking, breathing contradiction? “No more slavery on my watch. NOPE. Huh? You LIKE being slaves?? Then slavery it shall be! Next case!” All we were missing was the post-ruling interview outside the courtroom with that old guy. “You are about to enter the courtroom of Judge Dany. The people are real, the cases are real, the rulings are final. This is Judge Dany.” And I think its time to drop the “Breaker of Chains” title. That’s just insulting now.
 |
| If you want the facts, you go to a therapist. If you want the law, you come to court. If you want ambiguity, you come to Meereen. |
Mance – good luck negotiating with Stannis. He’s a great listener.
Varys
– this was interesting. Why did Varys help Tyrion escape? My theory
is Varys thought very highly of Tyrion, and envisioned freeing him to go
counsel Dany in Meereen. He figured he’d be able to avoid
suspicion regarding Tyrion’s escape. However, when Tyrion killed Tywin
his plan went up in smoke. With Cersei most likely losing her mind,
Varys jumped on board with Tyrion and is fleeing Kings Landing. Which
is smart. Unfortunately for Kings Landing,
the city’s two smartest people just left.
