Slapshot: Not Just a Great Movie.

yes, slapshot is the greatest hockey movie of all time.... but it's also the name of the greatest board game of all time (or at least the best hockey-themed board game of all time)

as far as i knew only two copies of this game existed... one at uncle john's house, and one at uncle tom's house...  this game was the usual centerpiece to new years eve parties for those too young to do any serious partying... but a game i always tried to get people to play whenever i was in a house where the game was located.

billy bob shared my love of this game... unfortunately, he was absent many of the times i would try to get this game played... one of the reasons i was extra psyched when billy bob would show up on long island was that i knew a game of slapshot would make its way into our weekend at some point.

the game's brilliance was in its simplicity (aka, this was a kids game)... it was essentially a multi-player game of war, with slight twist and funny charters on the cards.  my obsession with the game only grew over the years, and was something i continued to try to get people to play through my highschool and into my college years... until the rejections were getting so frequent i just decided to steal the game and bring it to school with me... perhaps all it needed was a new audience.

SB 46: Choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil

when pats fans and giants fans cross swords... it's just gross

I intended to post this in reply to Cobb's earlier SB post but basically got too lazy. I've already accepted that no matter what team wins I'm gonna hate the result, and will have to deal with the respective annoying fanbase for, well, the rest of my life because that's how annoying these fans are. So with that in mind, what's important to me is ensuring I enjoy this game as much as possible (if that's possible). My gameplan is as follows:

• Have a lot of booze on hand. This seems obvious, but I've already taken off work the next day so I fully plan on tapping into everything I have at my disposal. Scope is not out of the question. Plus waking up hungover with minty fresh breath would be great/super confusing.
• Gamble like a lunatic. I'm betting on everything I possibly can. Coin toss, first WR to score a TD, overs, unders, the color of Al Michael's suit...hell, I'll even bet on the Bud Bowl and that's not even on anymore. I hope to be so cross-eyed it will just play out in my head. I can't lose!
• Needle the fans of whatever team is losing. It will make me feel better.
  
• Keep mentioning how the Redskins beat the Giants twice, and use it as a ludicrous foundation for optimistic hopes for the 2012 season.

Its really hard to say I'll be "rooting" for any one of these teams. The Boston fanbase has solidified itself as the biggest bunch of a-holes on the planet. I cannot fathom those "douchiers" celebrating another championship. Its rather infuriating. On the other hand you have the Giants, which contains a lot of the Yankees fanbase, who I also hate. Plus most Giants fans were willing to totally blow up the team 3/4 of the way thru the season, had given up, and were saying how much they sucked, wanted Tommy C. fired (again), then they got into the playoffs...and turned into the same annoying/cocky jagoffs we've all grown so accustomed to. No humility, no "sweet, I can't believe this is working out for us!"; NYG were a freaking 9-7 team, I'd just be happy to be there.

Even with all that baggage, I'd still rather see a NYG victory. I just cannot stand Boston anymore. Hopefully the big winner will be BBD. I'm envisioning myself at the end of the night with a wad of cash in my hand and a terriffic buzz, although its more likely I'll be broke and smashed out of my shoes.

Nike's new CrapFlex Platinum has arrived!

in their latest abomination to the uniform, nike unveiled what i guess is now "trendy" gray basketball uniforms... possibly to capitalize on the latest liam neeson film? is gray the new black? i hate the 'black uni' trend so much, that i would rather see the gray.... but whats wrong with using the schools actual colors?

whatever the reason, these are not only awful because gray unis really only belong on road baseball teams, but they have added giant logos to the design.... how is this a good look?

its basically looks like the "sweatback" treatment and the disastrous 'turn ahead the clock' monstrosities had a kid... the spawn of two horrendous ideas! brilliant! (though i will admit, the sweatbacks are growing on me a little... i still don't like them)

this doesn't even get into the idea that these are not even uniforms for the schools.. they are nike unifoms.... paul lukas over at the uber-uni-nerd-awesome site 'uniwatch' goes into further detail on why this is such a dumb concept.

"As usual, taking a certain group of schools and putting them all in the same design template creates a Team Nike effect. In other words, the schools look like they’re playing for Nike instead of for themselves." - Lukas


 i am terrified curious to see what under armor has in store for maryland hoops... we all know the fine work for the UM football team.

Gio Gonzalez's stock in DC is skyrocketing with me

"And let me also say, I cried when DC was blown up in Independence Day."

Story link

Growing up around and now living just outside DC, most incoming free agents/draft picks usually handle their initial press conference and first weeks in town either awkwardly or poorly. DC is not New York, not LA, Boston, Philly, or Chicago - but it IS a major market, with a lot of money, but it has a completely different feel than the other "big" cities. Its a city fueled by politics and government, and most athletes seemed confused by it.

DC does have TON of transients - people move in and out of the area a lot (again, mostly due to gov't jobs/military), so maybe that's why newcomers are so quick to fly the colors of their respective hometown teams. Why they decide to do it at press conferences in front of the DC media is beyond me, and its always bothered many other DC fans. I'll let the Post's Sports Bog take it from here:

When John Wall arrived in D.C., he told reporters he liked the Cowboys. When Bryce Harper signed with the Nats, he told reporters he liked the Cowboys, the Lakers and Duke. Clinton Portis wore Phillies hats, and John Wall wore Flyers hats, and even Fred Smoot came to Verizon Center to root for the Cavs.

And on and on. Its happened my entire life, and its a little thing that has always irked me. Enter the latest Nats free agent, Gio Gonzalez.

On his first night in Washington, he went to a Caps game wearing red.

“I was at the Capitals game and I got all the love in the world from all the fans,” he told reporters.

Later that night, he ran up the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. And on his second day in town, he did an interview with ESPN 980, whose hosts ended the interview in typical fashion by wishing him well.

“Hey guys, one more thing before I go,” Gonzalez then interrupted. “I just want to say Hail to the Redskins.”

Running up the steps of the Lincoln Memorial? Hail to the Redskins? Short of kicking a Cowboys fan in the nuts, I have no idea how Gio could have made a better impression with me. Hail to you, Mr. Gonzalez.

On the flip side, Bryce Harper seems like a monumental jerkface. Cowboys, Lakers, and Duke??

Teenagers attempted robbery of senior citizen goes totally haywire

story link

A 65-year-old man who was knocked off his bicycle by three teenagers on a Pennsylvania trail shot two of them, killing one, police said according to reports. The Reading Eagle newspaper said the wounded teen, 16, was taken to hospital and the third, age 15, was taken in for questioning and was later sent to a youth center.



Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn't have fucked with?
That's me.


I really don't understand the end game behind robbing people who are exercising. Given the multitude of fatties currently residing in the USA, doesn't it make more sense to rob lazy people walking out of Denny's or Ben & Jerry's? Why pick on people who are in shape? At most you'll walk away with a new iPod. At worst, you are going to catch a beat down OR find some real nutbar packing heat while riding his bike.

*How deranged are cyclists? Out of all the types of people who exercise, nobody takes themselves more seriously than cyclists. And I'm all for the 2nd amendment, but carrying while riding your bike is kind of extreme, right? But I guess it worked out for this guy. I bet people have been making fun of him for packing a pistol while biking for years; he was probably jumping up and down with joy while shooting these punks. "SEE!! SEE??!! I told you!!"

'Taken' to the Grey-ve

But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career.

I am more than a little excited about this latest Liam Neeson vehicle "The Grey", which pretty much looks like "Taken 2" except our ole' buddy Bryan Mills is in the middle of the freezing wilderness facing down a pack of super-wolves.

Now as we learned in 'Taken', Liam Neeson has obviously restructured his contract so he isn't killed in every single movie he makes an appearance in, no matter how briefly (I'm looking at you 'Next of Kin', 'Gangs of New York', and 'Kingdom of Heaven'). And this is a great thing because what we have also learned is the longer Mr. Neeson is on the screen, the more people he kills. Or wolves, as what looks to be the case in 'The Grey'. Either way, I'm jacked up to see Bryan Mills deliver judo-chops and hammer-fists to a pack of savage lupines in sub-zero weather.

Seal Team 6: Snappin Necks and Cashin Checks

story link
So the same unit that took out bin laden just took down some solami pirates... seal team 6 is climbing up the charts of which militarized special unit i'd want on my side if i was ever in need of help... they are up to #3 on the list now. 

                                                                                                                                                                 

our theme song is great for drinking!

#5 Black Sheep Squadron:

these guys would be strictly for aerial missions. but with pappy boyington at the helm, the black sheep could... um... i actually never watched this show, other than to hear the awesome opening theme song.

baaa....baaaa....baaaaaaaaaa

someone get roscoe, the bed bug sniffing dog!

#4 Rico's Roughnecks:

fearless, and a little suicidal.. after dealing with huge arachnids, the roughnecks probably could handle any situation that involved simply dealing with humans... on the other hand, they might not know what to do against an opponent who has weapons that shoot bullets and not random light... plus they seem just shoot the hell out of everything... so they probably are not suitable for stealth missions... still... if i had a roach problem, i am calling jonny rico.

SB 42...losing luster?

woe is me, this current superbowl might damage my last superbowl! the horror!

i really never thought it would be possible to take any of the luster off of superbowl 42... and while its not possible to erase the magical 'eli-scramble/helmet-catch/destroying-perfection' of that game, losing to the damn patriots in superbowl 46 will put a dent into that.... no longer would i be able to pop in my superbowl 42 dvd after crushing mets losses and be whisked away to a dream like state, watching the giants thump brady and co's quest for 19-0.... a patriot win in two weeks will mean any time i put in that dvd i will be reminded of the eventual revenge win by the patriots ...
 
some times you just can't win, billy bob.

.... unless, of course, the giants win again.

Giants vs Niners

hey billy cumdick, nice kick, you asshole  and dont think you're off the hook either #83  you had a trip to the superbowl in your hands.  

as for the niners game, i think we should all keep an eye out for aaron rodgers & ryan braun.  my totally unreliable source says they are in sanfran and in full niner gear rooting against the "bastard men" giants .

unfortunately for little harbaugh, rodgers and braun, the bastard men will be moving on.

giants: 24

niners: 17

Ravens vs Pats

back to back photos for pat! genderless kids, nfl playoffs, what can't heshe do?

tough to pick this one... since i pretty much hate both teams.... though i know way more pats fans, and for all the crap i've read about the giants fans looking past the 49ers - the patriot fans are clearly looking past this game as well...

unfortunately, i think they are right to look past the ex-browns. if flacco-seagulls plays as bad as i know he can, it could get out of hand early.

hidden gender pats: 38
i'm so ravens : 17

"Faust" Carmona... Poetic Justice

so cleveland indians pitcher fausto carmona was arrested on charges of using a false identity.
his real name is roberto hernandez heredia, and he is really 31, not 28... crazy stuff

sell me your soul, faust - and you will win 19 games in 2007!

i am sure that everyone who saw this news immediately recognized the fabulous irony that the false name used was 'fausto' - a direct nod to the famous german legend Faust, (as well as the british play 'doctor faustus' by christopher marlowe - also based on Faust)

as the legend goes, faust sold his soul to the devil for ultimate happiness, but he winds up in hell.  i respect roberto hernandez's knowledge of german literature, and his clever spin on his alias.   but he should have known that the alias he chose would someday come back to haunt him. I mean, I cannot believe i never realized this fausto/faust connection before. it reminds me of "Noone" from "Blood Work", with a dash of "tom marvolo riddle" throw in.  so obvious when you think about it!  bravo fake fausto, bravo.

USPS destroys package containing cuckoo clock

oh, the second hand is catawampus? why don't you cry about it, saddlebags!

Link

Initially this was just going to be a post littered with quotes from Ace Ventura but there were elements of this story that must be addressed.

“I looked and he pulled up, threw it (the box) over the fence and then got in the van and drove off. I went out there and picked up the thing and he was already up the street,” Oreb said. “The chains no longer work. I guess they're jammed up in the back. And one of them is off the rails. And the second hand is catawampus, it's loose," Oreb said. "But I don't know what else is broke until I take it in and have them look at it."

Catawampus?? This is a word!!?? IT IS!! I would've bet significant money this was some crazy regional word, like that totally unintelligible language people from Louisiana speak. If you don't think I'm working "catawampus" into some everyday conversation you've lost your damn mind. I'd wager between Eli and Alex Smith there are more than 4 throws on Sunday that will be all sorts of catawampus.

Man: [aggressively] What do you want?
Ace Ventura: HDS, sir, and how are you this afternoon? All righty, then. I have a package for you.
Man: Sounds broken.
Ace Ventura: Most likely, sir. I'll bet it was something nice, though.

"Cougars" nickname banned by highschool because its offensive to women...

how bout slam pigs?

story link

....in realted news, pitcher doug fister forced to change his name because it's offensive to lesbians.

according to the story, the other names the students could pick from were: Chargers, Diamondbacks, Falcons, Raptors, Broncos, Bears and Cavaliers.

how bout, not limiting selections to names already owned by professional sports teams? the people running this school should be lined up and then hit in the head with a tack hammer...

and there is no doubt in my mind the kids of this school knew exactly what they were doing when they picked cougars.

and in case anyone is keeping count, the fighting irish still remains unprotested by the irish because the irish a)know its partially true and b) have a sense of humor about it.

"Avoid the ghetto" app causing some uproar

excuse me, homes? which way to the apple store?

An in-development Microsoft smart phone app designed to help drivers and pedestrians avoid unsafe neighborhoods is proving controversial among some minority rights groups that find the software potentially discriminatory.

The as-of-yet unnamed product is being referred to as the “Avoid The Ghetto” app by those who are concerned with where it will guide users. Wallace spent her afternoon at a rally on Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. and said she felt safe there, but fears the app may project otherwise.

Here is the biggest problem with this app: I live right outside DC and 45 minutes from Baltimore. Will the "Avoid the Ghetto" app just black out the entire city? Because after the sun goes down you are playing with fire going into those cities. Will Google Maps just have a massive black hole where those cities are? Will my iPhone start smoking/emitting sparks? If those loopholes are figured out I'll download this immediately.

Clark: Excuse me, could you please tell me how to get back on the express way?

Pimp: F*ck yo mama!

Clark: Thank you very much.

Fat Guy on a Little Island... ('alcatraz' review)

hey jj, i think i'm you're guy, dude.

diego soto is an spanish author obsessed with comics, who is trying to solve a mystery behind an island that has some sort of mystical power involving time travel.

how did jj abrams ever think of jorge garcia for this role?

i actually liked the 2 hour premier of alcatraz... aside from enjoying (aka making fun of) the usual jj abrams plot devices, this seems like a pretty cool set up....you should definitely check it out, billy bob.

the mystery is plainly stated at the very beginning.. in 1963 all the prisoners and guards vanished form alcatraz.... to cover it up, it was reported that they were all transferred. (this qualifies as a 'wolverine and sabertooth are brothers' level spoiler.... aka, it's how every episode starts)

extremely mild spoilers below
                                                   
present day, the prisoners form 1963 alcatraz are showing up one at a time.  they have not aged a day since 1963 and they are going on killing sprees.

each show flips back and forth between 1963 and present day (yes, extremely similar to the 5th season of 'Lost') showing the back story of each of the alcatraz 63'ers.

an added 'inception style' bonus was one of the prisoners we meet in the 2nd hour is named  ernest cobb...  just a plethora of 'cobb's being tossed around... betweeen this show and watching cobb return kicks on sunday for green bay, i really need to start compiling a database of this sound-cobbs... the best one was hurley saying "if i was cobb, i'd be pissed!"...

shouldn't you be running somewhere, sarah?

other than hurley garcia's character (dr. diego soto, aka Doc) it stars sam neil as the man who knows way more about this mystery than we do (named 'hauser' - i think we can have a lot of fun with that name), and that indian chick from bend it like bekham as his assistant..... the main cop is played by sarah jones - who i last saw getting gunned down by agent stahl in season 2 of 'sons of anarchy', as zobelle's daughter.... the show does a good job in having her run a lot.... and i enjoyed watching her wipe blood splatter off herself probably way more than i was supposed to....

there is a good deal of blood and a higher body count than i anticipated (always a good thing).  the key for the show is how they answer the questions... i think the show can maintain my interest for at least 3 or 4 more episode based solely on the developed back stories of the various 63'ers - but with such a clear set up of the main mystery of the show they have to be much more forthcoming with answers than "Lost" was.

i'll be tuning in for now... hopefully it turns out to be a good one.

s.o.p.a. opera?

when you control the internet... you control.... Information!!!!

how aware are you of this, billy bob?

all the big internet places say it will basically destroy the internet.... can we get the j&n legal team to look into this?

i have zero confidence that i have full understanding of this.... but it sounds bad...

the troll toll is money well spent

the opposing teams fans soul and hole is in shambles.

aside from actually enjoying a huge win, one of my favorite spoils of victory is reading the message boards, or local news stories of the team that just lost.

this is especially enjoyable if your team scores a huge upset.... and even better of the team you beat has fans that cannot handle losing.

for example, i wet to a few green bay boards, and though there were some people freaking out, i found the people on there to be pretty mild mannered (all things considered) for the most part... sure they lost at home as the top seed, but they also won the superbowl a season ago... so there no way this loss stings as bad as it would have if they were not the defending champs.

two example from the past week were visiting a detroit redwings board after the isles thumped them again, and then visiting the louisville cardinals message board after they lost to providence by 30..... fans that are used to winning usually handle unexpected losses horribly.... especially when its to a team they think they should hammer. (its probably the only bright spot in being a fan of a perennial cellar-dwellar)

its was very amusing reading wings fans total lack of comprehension with their recent string of failures vs the isles, and it was simply a joy to read louiville fans having a total meltdown, almost unanimously agreeing its time to fire rick pitino. (the same guy who resurrected the program from the depths of nothingness)

i think the term "trolling" implies actually posting on other teams message boards - but i never feel the need to go there... reading the freak outs, melt downs and in fighting is more than enough to amuse me. (plus i wanted to use that pic of frank reynolds)

i am hoping to read some good stuff on the 49er fan boards a week from today.... and maybe even marquette and pitt basketball boards...

troll toll!!!!

Discount Double Chin!

the refs are our best players!!!

well, i didn't see that coming....

between the excitment of a tight game and the blinding anger i had towards the refs, that was one of the more enjoyable games i have seen the giants play since... well, since the last time they got to the NFC championship... just unreal.


hail f'n mary passes... aaron rodgers getting sacked, eli slicing and dicing, discount double check commercials... do that dance again raji! fannnntastic.

so its on to san fransisco. the alpha target is candlestick park, and this time general hummel will not change the coordinates. 

eli will be unleashing bombs at the 'stick that are more deadly than vx nerve gas.

F-Packers, Go Giants

"hey ryan, do you like fish sticks?"

i heard this rumor from a completely unreliable source that aaron rodgers and ryan braun are a gay couple.... i mean, we already know braun likes needles in his ass, so is this that much of a stretch?

is it possible that steroids can be transferred anally? maybe this is why both are so good at their sports? they inject each other with needles, then they just inject each other... and their steroids mutate into some hybrid form of performance enhancement?

who knows... i just hope the giants beat that fudge packer today.

God lets down the Saints, Jebow

i got sucked into a 'firefly' marathon on the science channel... did i miss the games?

Rick D out for the year... Isles may not recover

don't sweat it cricket, chris botta says the starting job is still yours when you come back!

sports are so hard to predict sometimes... rick dipietro is apparently out for the year again.

luckily, rick has no plans on retiring, so the islanders goalie of the future still is in their long term plans - which is comforting.... but the tough news is that the isles will have to soldier on without their star in net.


dipietro is scheduled to make a statement to the media at some point this weekend, but J&N was able to get a brief soundbite from rick, earlier today. : Ricks words

Yankees try to upstage Mets huge aquisition by adding no-name pitcher

i wonder what sandy alderson would have done differently....

when will the yankees learn?  just another pathetic attempt to upstage the mets.

the pirates can't afford this kind of thunder

for the mets it's business as usual. we lose an all-star shortstop, and boom - we fill the gap with a stud like ronny cedeno with his .978 fieldeing percentage. no big deal.

but the yankees? its sort of sad to watch them scramble like this. sure the mets make them look bad with this massive cedeno signing, but this is just pathetic. dumping top prospect jesus montero for some scrub like michael pineda? wow. really reaching on that one cashman.

just a typical case of the yankees trying to be the mets.  nice try boys.

and some genius work by seattle. they could have had montero for cliff lee but wisely sent him to the rangers instead of the yankees.... now they dump a no-name loser like pineda and get their man. i mean, imagine if they dealt lee for montero 2 years ago? they would have montero AND pineda right now. what a mess that would have been.

now that ronny c is in the fold, we just need ra dickey to finish climbing kilimanjaro, and the mets will be ready to rock and roll in 2012!

"I think I know now how Bilbo Baggins must have felt in Tolkien’s “The Hobbit.”" - RA Dickey (that's an actual quote)

you're a mad man, RA!

help abused mets

every now and again i'll see something i wish i had made... this is one of them... funny, depressing and completely appropriate.




the clip of a hobbled murph had me laughing at my desk. though while i was laughin on the outside, i was crying 'lil brudder' style on the inside. you just keep scrapin along, little guy.

Final insult to pro basketball in DC: Kuwait steals our uni's

And, frankly, they look better. A LOT better! If I was playing a game of pick up basketball - which is sort of comedic in itself - and I had a choice between a 'Wizards' jersey and a 'Kuwait" jersey with matching color schemes, I'm taking the 'Kuwait' jersey every damn time. The Wiz remain just a complete travesty of a name/organization. Absolutely nothing has gone right since Abe Pollin thought it would be a great idea to change the name from the 'Bullets' (a totally kick-ass name) to a name commonly used by teenage travel soccer teams, the Wizards (embarrassingly known as 'The Wiz" for short. Except everybody beats them?).

Change it to the Washington Kuwaits for all I care...change it to the Washington Window Lickers, the DC Slapfellas...anything is better than the Wizards.

Kuwait basketball team borrows Wizards uniform scheme

Video appears to show Marines urinating on dead Taliban

"The U.S. Marine Corps is launching an investigation into a video that recently surfaced online showing what appears to be several Marines in uniform urinating on corpses. The video, which started Wednesday morning making the rounds on the Web, shows four men in full Marine combat gear standing over the bodies of what appear to be dead Taliban fighters. They look around before proceeding to urinate over the corpses. One of the men can be heard saying, “Have a great day, buddy."

This is sick. I really hope the Marine Corps gets to the bottom of the sicko videotaping a group of Marines taking a wizz. I realize that when you're deployed/in a combat zone its close quarters, but I think these heroes deserve a little privacy when draining the lizard. Whether they are swissying in a bush, a tree, or on a group of dead Taliban corpses...I mean, can they please get a few minutes?? Sheesh. USMC has no place for Peeping Toms who have nothing better to do than snap lurid photos of Marines taking a leak on patrol. Unbelievable.

Have a great day buddy, indeed.

tough loss, rick

remember the game classic concentration?

great W for big ed and the friars.... also just an atrocious shooting display by louisville.... pitino looked pretty embarrassed ... i mean, not "admitted to police that he had sex in a restaurant in August 2003 with Karen Sypher, who is also attempting to extort him." embarassed... but pretty embarassed.

i found some of the cardinals game footage on youtube:

The Rise Of Curious Caesar

"now, you stay out of trouble curious caesar" said the franco in the yellow hat. 

I went into this move with some serious trepidation (aka, marky mark's version sucked)

Right off the bat I was glad to see john lithgow. What the heck happened to john lithgow? He was so good as james francos alzhiemers stricken father I though that lithgow may have actually had alzheimers, and that was the reason I hadn't seen him in so long.

As it is, he was just acting (though I wasn't 100% sure of that until his character actually recovered from alzheimers.... as the quest to cure alzheimers is what's sets the movie in motion. )  either way,  it was rough seeing qualen in such bad shape.... i prefer seeing him kill his british pilot girlfriend on the top of a mountain....

rest of the review will be in the "comments" so as to not spoil it for you, billy bob.

college football stinks

"you changed your name TO smelly?"..."yeah, it used to be shithouse".... "thats a good change!"

i flipped on espn to watch sportscenter, not realizing the BCS title game was on.... i saw smelley catch one pass, alabama kicked a field goal, then realized i don't give a rats heine about this game or any of college football, so i kept flipping... over on hbo i watched about a half hour of mel gibson's 'edge of darkness'.. or as mel's character would say it "daHHHKness"

billy bob, you reviewed this movie a while back, rightfully ripping on gibsons boston accent - but its not just him, its everyone... every boston accent (except maybe winstone) is brooootal....

after some more flipping i came across blazing saddles on amc.. but heavily edited, aggs...  i might flip back to the football game, but only in the hopes that they talk about the alabama fan that poisoned oak trees at auburn.... roll tide!

touchdown jebus!

whats the buzz, tell me whats-a-happenin'

so much for those new OT rules... tebow just worked up an old number 6 on pittsburgh in that overtime.... God moves on to new england...

If atlanta had fans, i bet they'd be embarassed.

somehow they forgot about the giants other pro bowl WR, nice tackling atlanta.

i think hakeem nicks just broke another tackle and did the dirty bird in atlantas face again.
not to worry, i am sure whatever falcon fans are out there are over this loss, and already looking forward to not going to braves games.

back to back uses of the same pic.. i just cant see another use for it, so what the hell...

I will not to give up my favorite decoration. I like matt ryan where he is... ho, ho, hoooooo

fired up for a rematch with green bay....

the only falcon that would scare me today

and thats assuming lando's people fixed the hyperdrive.

actually, guys like michael turner, roddy white and julio jones could cause some problems... but not if matt ryan is on his back all day....

... or frozen in carbonite.... matty ice? (too much?)

i think my eyes are getting better...instead of a big dark blur,
i see a big blue blur... and i'm sacked again

giants 27
falcons 20

Bombs Away!

i'm a mushroom cloud layin' muthafucka, muthafucka!

lotta action on J&N today.  super ants, facebook hatred, wilpon hatred, darth vader masks....

also, billy bob dropping our first ever F-bomb!

way to go bud. the first of many!

Genetic scientists create freakish man-made monster ants

Seriously, what the fuck are scientists doing these days? If they're not making drone aircraft that will most likely Skynet the shit out of everyone sometime in the next 50 years, they're creating mutant insects that will probably overrun us as soon as they escape from their cage. (Note: if this results in anything resembling a human vs. bug war like in Starship Troopers I retract all criticism)

Kent Brockman said it first: Hail Ants.

Nightmarish 'supersoldier' ants with huge heads and jaws have been created by activating ancient genes.

stop the sharing

so i asked sponty if she had read any of the crap we're thrown up here and she says "you guys should share the posts on facebook".....

i know i'm just taking the terminolgy of the internet and over analyzing but who cares... 'sharing' stuff about yourself is where social media sucks... if you go to someones house and they start "sharing" pictures of them self, you are probably thinking "how long do i have to look at this picture an pretend i like it"

or if they start talking about some hike they went on... or their kids birthday party last week...you're thinking "my god stop talking" but acting all interested, when all you want to do is watch the football game in the background or go back to talking about how much you hate the wilpons before you were interrupted by this over the top me-monster...

but all of a sudden you put all that crap on facebook and its called sharing?  its not sharing unless people actually want to see/hear that crap... otherwise its called "being super annoying"...

thats what 90% of facebook is... just a huge collection of me-monsters...

Florida cop tasers, pepper sprays guy in Darth Vader mask

tell me my overconfidence is my weakness ONE MORE TIME and see what happens!

Just another tremendous chapter in the illustrious history of Florida law enforcement. I give Florida police a lot of credit; not even Agents Mulder and Scully saw the volume of weirdos Florida police have to put up with. And I am not about to criticize a man for getting hammered and donning a Darth Vader mask, I basically did the same thing on NYE except I was socializing in my movie-quality Optimus Prime mask (equipped with a voice modulator). Unfortunately for Mike Cole, wearing his Vader mask made him a little too confident and he started shouting obscenities at a state trooper...leading to Mr. Cole getting tasered (Force Lightning?) and then pepper sprayed, which is just one of the most physically painful 1-2 punches the human body can experience.

In my mind I'm picturing Cole/Vader getting hit with the taser/modern equivalent of Force Lightning and doing that same horrendous scream/groan Hayden Christensen did at the end of 'Revenge of the Sith'. NOOOOAUGGHHH!!!!

The Emperor: Now, you will pay the price for your lack of vision!
[shoots more Force lighting]

Outlander: Where did this movie come from?

spaceship iron sharpens spaceship iron!

I saw this on the SciFi (or SyFy?) Channel on Monday night and flipped it on for the last 45 minutes. It appeared to be some type of Beowulf/Alien hybrid. Did you ever see this? It wasn't too bad, I just have no clue how its gone completely underneath my radar. The imdb synopsis is:

"During the reign of the Vikings, Kainan, a man from a far-off world, crash lands on Earth, bringing with him an alien predator known as the Moorwen. Though both man and monster are seeking revenge for violence committed against them, Kainan leads the alliance to kill the Moorwen by fusing his advanced technology with the Viking's Iron Age weaponry."

But, from what I saw, its 'Beowulf' with two alien monsters replacing Grendel and his mother. It was entertaining enough I guess. I'd probably have to see it from the beginning.

Outlander?

Redskins Radio Network Season Finale

what if we put a sherlock holmes hat on cam newton?

Here are what might be the last gems we ever have from the Redskins Radio Sonny - Sam - Larry combination. Enjoy.

Halftime Thoughts
Sonny: This looks like one of those 17-10 games, doesn’t it?
Sam: Well, hey, it’s the NFL, which means Not For Long. This is a typical game between these two teams. Always has been.
Larry: Cam Newton’s gonna be the rookie of the year, no doubt about that. He’s had an outstanding year, over 4000 yards passing for the rookie quarterback out of Auburn.
Sonny: He scored 14 touchdowns rushing, incredible.
Sam: Hey, he’s what, 320-some pounds, a rookie. Look what he did to the Redskins defense.
Larry: Well, I wouldn’t say 300. He isn’t that big.
Sam: Yes he is.

Larry: Cam Newton?
Sam: Yeah. Remember down there in Carolina, how he ran the ball?
Larry: 300 yards passing. He doesn’t weigh 300 pounds.
Sam: Yes he does.
Sonny: Noooooo.
Larry: Well, he’s been eating a lot of food down there.
Sonny: 250
Sam: How much?
Sonny: 250.
Sam: That’s big enough.
Sonny: Well, it is, but it’s not 300.
Sam: He’s probably drinking Gigolo Pee. I mean tea. Tea. Bigelow. Bigelow.
All: [Uproarious laughter.]
Sam: I’m sorry.
Larry: That’s Bigelow Tea.
Sam: I apologize
Larry: Sam, I told you not to stay out past midnight last night.
Sam: I didn’t! I got too much sleep!
Sonny: No more sushi for him.
Larry: No, that’s it, he’s done with that dinner. Anyway, McDonald’s brings you the scoreboard....
Sam: You haven’t heard anything yet, I guess. Oh goodness, I apologize for that.

The Doughty Late Hit
Larry: It is caught by Avant at the 43-yard line and a flag on the play, a late flag on the play. Alright, they’re not gonna flag Reed Doughty on that hit, are they? You’ve got to be kidding me.
Sam: Well, it was a big hit. Helmet to helmet I think.
Larry: That is just a horrible call, again.
Sonny: That was a bad call.
Larry: That was a horrible call. He missed him.
Official: [Announces penalty against Doughty]
Sonny: He whiffed him. Does that count?
Larry: That’s a horrible call
Sam: Pick up your handkerchief, for Christ’s sake! This is pro football.
Larry: I think he missed him. I don’t think he hit him.
Sonny: Yeah, I do too.
Sam: I mean, that’s one of the worst calls I’ve ever seen.
Sonny: He whiffed.
Sam: Maybe they have a little bet on this game.
The Colts’ Top Draft Pick
Sonny: The thing the Colts should do, they should take Luck, and make Peyton Manning the head coach, but the quarterback playing head coach, a playing coach. He plays quarterback and he also coaches.
Larry: Wait a minute, what are you talking about?
Sam: I don’t know either.
Larry: How, how would that work?
Sonny: It would work. He coaches them now. He has their entire offense. He runs the offense, he gets a defensive coordinator, and he’d be a playing coach. Sam Huff was a playing coach, coached a position.
Sam: Yup.
Sonny: And he’s just coaching the quarterback and would be the head coach.
Sam: You might have something there. You know, quarterbacks, they make things more complicated every once in a while.
Sonny: It’s not complicated, it’d be the playing coach as a quarterback, and he would teach Luck how to play the game. He’s gonna be coaching him anyway.
Sam: Well, there’s a guy like Michael Vick that looked like he could be a pretty good coach. He’s an athlete.
Larry [Changes subject]

There are few things in life worse than chronic diarrhea

I've been plagued with diarrhea since last Friday night (Dec 30th). I went to bed hoping it was a one time thing but had a rude wake up on Saturday morning when I had to jump out of bed, sprint to the bathroom, and deal with the grim reality that, once again, I'd be locked in a winner takes all death match with The Runs on New Years Eve (yes, this happened once before in 2002). As a savvy veteran I immediately ingested some Imodium and before I went out for the night I drank an entire bottle of Pepto. After all, the mission is to salvage NYE and worry about tomorrow when the time comes. So I completely avoided encountering The Runs on NYE and enjoyed myself, and had even more fun on New Years Day as I plopped down on my couch and watched football and drank cocktails all day long. The Runs did not rear its ugly head and seemed to be down for the count.

Then yesterday happened. A day in which I set my own single day personal records for the following: most toilet flushes (who knows), most public toilets used (3), going through an entire roll of toilet paper in another person's house, most wipes, and probably worst smell I've ever produced. I used public toilets at a restaurant, a skating rink, and a movie theater. I destroyed my girlfriend's bathroom like four times. I'm a guy who usually enjoys going into the bathroom and having a nice giggi. By the end of the day I was terrified of eating ANYTHING in fear of having to sit down on the toilet again. I was watching "Moneyball" in a movie theater and had to get up and disappear for 15 minutes. I went to sleep praying the worst was behind me.

I just finished my first full day of work after the holidays and if you looked at my Google history it would just read "what to eat while you have diarrhea", "imodium ad", "how to fight diarrhea", and similar search terms. I've been running to the bathroom so often I think the security guard is getting suspicious. The Runs are just dominating my life right now and I'm completely helpless to defend myself. I surrender. I'm going right to the store after work and stockpiling Imodium, bananas, applesauce, and blueberries. Apparently this is what my diet is limited to. I won the NYE battle, but The Runs got the last laugh. This is awful.

Hybrid Sharks Found in Australian Waters

yes those sharks deserve to die and i hope they burn in hell!

article link 

With the discovery of hybrid sharks in Australian waters, J&N caught up with the cast from 'Jurassic Park' and 'Deep Blue Sea' to weigh in on the subject. This is a transcript of the conversation.

Dr. Ian Malcolm: If there is one thing the history of evolution has taught us it's that life will not be contained. Life breaks free, expands to new territories, and crashes through barriers, painfully, maybe even dangerously, but, ah, well, there it is.

Dr. Ellie Satler: Oh my God. Do you know what this is? This is a shark egg. The sharks are breeding.

Muldoon: They should all be destroyed.

Dr. Alan Grant: What kind of metabolism do they have? What's their growth rate? Do they show intelligence? With their brain cavity...

Muldoon: They show extraordinary intelligence, even problem-solving intelligence.

Grant: Just what the hell did you do to those sharks?

Dr. Susan McAlester: Their brains weren't large enough to harvest sufficient amounts of the protein complex. So we violated the Harvard Compact. Jim and I used gene therapies to increase their brain mass. A larger brain means more protein. As a side effect the sharks got smarter.

John Hammond: I spared no expenses!

Malcolm: You did it. You crazy son of a bitch you did it.

Sattler: I didn't have enough respect for that power and it's out now.

Tom Scoggins: Now you see how that works? She screwed with the sharks, and now the sharks, they're screwing with us.

Carter Blake: What you've done is knocked us all the way to the bottom of the goddamn food chain.

Sattler: The only thing that matters now are the people we love: they're out there where people are dying.

Janice Higgins: Beneath this glassy surface, a world of gliding monsters!

Russel Franklin: Was that a goddamn shark broke through that door?

Muldoon: Shoot her! Shoot her!

Malcolm: Must go faster.

Blake: Because that's what an 8000 pound mako thinks about. About freedom. About the deep blue sea.

Preacher: Take me back to the ghetto.

Ray Arnold: Hold on to your butts.

January 2nd should be a national holiday every year.

in the words of peter gibbons, "I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be."

felt like total garbage yesterday... took a 6 hour nap in the middle of the day, ate dinner watched the giants win the division... went to bed.... woke up because my alarm went off - then realized it was off day... went back to sleep for 3 hours.... awesome.

the only bad part of my day was eagerly looking at the 2013 calendar in hopes that new years day was on sunday again... its on a tuesday. rats. my new years resolution is to remember to use up a vacation day the 2nd day of the 2013.