I really wish I had attended this Fred Davis legal hearing

I can't add a whole lot to this story.  But if Fred Davis ever goes before a judge again I'm leaving work immediately to cover the story for J&N.  This is priceless.  I didn't think stuff like this happened outside of courtrooms not featuring Judge Reinhold.  From the invaluable DC Sports Bog:

Davis would be a perfect fit for "Mock Trial with J. Reinhold"

Fred Davis is involved in a lawsuit of the most ridiculous kind. Davis and a woman named Makini R. Chaka are in a legal battle that includes restraining orders, possible escorts and accusations of juice throwing.
And Davis is representing himself in the case, which means the court transcripts are full of gems like this from the Washingtonian’s write up:

“It’s just all made up and flagellant,” Davis told the judge during his closing argument. (Davis has no formal legal training, according to Jean Kuei, Davis’s former attorney.)

The whole thing is complicated and among the stupidest of stupid football player dramas. Here are a few highlights lowlights.
* Chaka calls herself a “celebrity broker.” Davis’s sometime body guard, Stewart Prince, says she’s a pimp who often carries a “pimp cup.”
* Davis and Prince claim Chaka is violent. “[Davis] began to distance himself from Chaka after she got into violent altercations with other women. Prince claimed in court documents that Chaka once fought a female stripper at Stadium Club in DC. More recently, Prince said, Chaka threw bottles at a woman at Mirage Night Club in Baltimore.”
* Davis says Chaka is trying to extort money from him. Chaka claims the fact she works with Willis McGahee proves she’s not. “[McGahee] makes over 40 million dollars . . . yet you’re saying that I want to get Mr. Davis for money and he’s a second-round draft pick, and his, he doesn’t even gross anywhere close to Willis.”
* Chaka is also representing herself, which leads to exchanges like this:

Davis: “As it shows, you also have your hand on his genitals. I mean why would you take a picture like that?”

Chaka: “I do not. Let’s look closely at the exhibit right here, Judge. Where is my hand placed in this exhibit?”

Judge: “I do not answer questions. . . . The witness does.”

Chaka: “Can you tell me where my hand is actually at in this photo?”

Davis: “It looks like it’s in the genitals to me. I mean your hands are on his genitals. Your hand is on his—”

Chaka: “Objection.”

It was whispered that Davis was moments away from calling surprise witness Franklin to the stand